In Me.

1.5 months left and counting down. I'm starting to brace myself for the challenges that await for me back in singapore once again. there are thousands of questions spinning in my head right now that i wish God Himself, would come down in all His Glory and give me answers to each of them specifically. Ha! but its never always that easy huh. And so, I am clinging in faith for we serve an unchanging God who stands firm on His word. He will indeed Provide. :)

What will i tell everyone back home about my experiences here after 3 whole molding, cultivating and nurturing years? Who exactly do i want them to see?

an independent fresh grad all ready and determined to take on the world by its reins?

no seriously, i just want them to see... me.

if there is one thing i've truly learnt.. its definately not independence. Instead, i have grown to be so much more dependent on God over the past 3 years. Knowing that without Him, i am nothing on my own. That He is my everything, and He will never stop pursuing after my fragile feminine heart until i live a life that reflects His Everything. He will not stop this until i am utterly weak and vulnerable before Him.

You see, I was brought up by a strict military father who taught me that independence was the key to success. That I had to be strong enough to stand up for myself and showing a slightest sign of weakness was not an option. Unlike many other girls i know, I found it hard to cry. More so, i could never cry infront of my father. I found it hard to display ounces of fear, and could not face my own short comings. it felt as though i had this shielded up heart which in turn had a detrimental effect on the relationships i shared with people around me. although some of them don't say it, i know they feel it. Thinking back, it was so me to act all tough on the outside, as if nothing is wrong especially infront of the people i love because i was so afraid that they would love me less if they knew the real me.

For the past 3 years here in australia, i have certainly had my own fair share of ups and downs. just as much as i have smelt the sweet fragrances of joy and success, i have also tasted the sheer bitterness of disappointments and failing to meet the expectations i have set out for myself. Thats just life isn't? But in the reality of it all, one thing continues to stand firm... that God is real. And i mean real in all aspects of the word.

Isn't just amazing how God loves our vulnerability?

"Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind you shine Your light on me
'Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I'll stand on Your Truth, and I'll fight with Your Strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me"

-'In Me' by Casting Crowns